Dreams kinda suck. Now, the dream in question that i had was absolutely fantastic, but you know how it goes. You wake up, and you wanna invade a country. I don't want to get into it, but I woke up positively depressed, wrecked, morose, all that. Then my dog chewed through the power supply cord to my laptop. Luckily I was able to get my dad to fix it, but I wasn't feeling great at ALL. I'll just let it ride for a while I guess.
Well, I don't know if I've made a schedule for updates and stuff, but I think I should make some so I don't end up like Maddox's site or something. i don't want to not update for 5 months. So, Tuesday's and Fridays I'll officially say are my update days, and if I'll let you know if I might be late with something. Cool? Cool.
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Review of Disaster Movie
Here is my thought process on this. If these hacks can spoof movies that they have never seen due to the fact that they were not being released at the time of filming, then I can review their stinking, fly-ridden piece of man-shit (Editor: As opposed to any other kind of shit?) called a movie without seeing it, or even waiting for it to be released. It makes sense, does it not? (Editor: Sure, as long as I can fly a passenger jet without actually having taken any lessons.)
DISASTER MOVIE
A review of the most ironically-named film made this side of the Sagittarius Arm of the Milky Way galaxy.
By Jesse Bluem
Editor "or at least that's what he likes to call himself" - Eric Friedrich.
Wow. Disaster Movie. Aptly titled, because it is a disaster that people pay to see movies like this (Editor: Lookin' at you, the two of you who saw Witless Protection.) There was not a single movie spoofed that actually qualified as a disaster movie (Editor: I thought Enchanted was a disaster. Ha! Who's with me?! No? Okay.) If that wasn't enough to let you know that the scribes of this tripe are fully aware of what they have unleashed, the ending will do the job just as well. Oh, what's this? You want to know how it all went down? (Editor: No.) Well, my unwashed masses (Editor: Please wash), this is exactly what the ending was: Aaron Seltzer and Jason Friedberg, each holding a fist full of hundred dollar bills in their left hands, their right hands raised in a single finger salute. Were you surprised? (Editor: As much as I was playing peek-a-boo with myself in the mirror this morning I was late for work.)
The entire first act of this movie was literally nothing but random physical trauma being inflicted upon iconic movie characters (Editor: Ben Affleck from Reindeer Games? How'd you get in this picture?); it quite literally paralleled the mental trauma that the audience felt. The four of us were very sad. (Editor: Yes, we have friends with whom we go see movies with.) However, it is okay now, for we all go to therapy together. (Editor: Though some of us may never fully recover). This kind of ridiculous crap could only entertain a child of perhaps 4 (Editor: Though children of 1 ½ years wrote the movie. Those writers and their mature humor). I remember entertaining a very young cousin of mine, merely by repeatedly falling down over and over again (Editor: He was trying to get up the stairs. Rogue roller-skate). And I didn't even pay 7 bucks for admission (Editor: $500 for hospital expenses). If I'd have filmed that shit I could be in fucking
The second act brings in something that shares some vague qualities with the passé film standby called a plot. A team of ragtag heroes are assembled to combat an incoming cloud of meteors. It features such heroic standbys like Hulk, Iron Man, Hancock, and Juno. (Editor: They couldn't get Batman or Indiana Jones because their agents actually cared about their license.) (Jesse: Don't bet on it, bro…)(Editor: Fuck. They made Indiana Jones that Tony Cox little person. I'm so pissed.) Juno isn't actually a super-hero; it's her baby, who gained super-powers by being conceived in a frozen banana stand. (Editor: She was also struck by lightning during the moment of climax.) The plan is the heroes will fan out to catch the meteors upon entry into our atmosphere. Oh ho, those writers (using that term very, very loosely) throw us a curve ball, because it turns out that our superheroes aren't so super (Editor: Mediocre, at best.) The meteors are frozen alien feces, so the superheroes are all comically (using that term very, very loosely) crushed. President Fukaho, (Editor: Catch the pronunciation? I thought it was brilliant, too) the first Asian president of the
This is followed by the final stage of this movie, which is actually the closest I have ever been to death (Editor: Edging out that 2 minutes at the gym). (Jesse: Oh, low blow Eric, low blow.) It's really a good idea to collect anything capable of piercing into the brain, like pens or paper clips, because I found that blood can be really hard to clean out of a movie theater carpet (Editor: Or your ex-girlfriends' bed sheets). So the confused, shiftless youth of the nation go on a rampage, wreaking havoc across the already shell-shocked nation (Editor: Actually, it's Post-Traumatic Stress Disordered nation now. Gotta be PC, Jesse. R.I.P. George Carlin. We miss ya). And this is when, and I quote, "brilliant writer and director of movies" A.J. Seltzedberg comes up with a plan to save the planet. See, he's going to build catapults out of raw sewage and unsold Meet the Spartans DVDs (Editor: Really lame plug) to fling addled children at the meteor swarm, diverting its course. Naturally, parents were outraged at the display of filth, as the original catapults were made only of the DVDs. You got to cave in to some demands. Naturally this ridiculous idea works, even against all laws of physics, and Seltzedberg saves the day. He gets nominated as King of America, the Nazis invade
I think I have brain cancer. And that cancer is disaster movie. I'm not even going to acknowledge that shit by capitalizing the letters. They can go fuck an electrical socket for all I care. I bet each of them [the writers] can fit their pencil dicks in either hole and fry together, in the same socket. Upon this fitting demise, a film nerd shall wander by and stumble closer, blinded by tears of joy. Upon reaching the twitching bodies, he reaches into his back-pack, for this is the receptacle that contains the jar of peanut butter (Editor: What?). Film nerd dives aside after smearing the peanut butter upon their corpses, just dodging the herd of voracious squirrels that promptly devour the fallen hacks, and then die moments later from a terrible case of dysentery.
End rant.
Editors' Note: Yeah, the end there's quite random and almost out of nowhere, but such is the mind of our good friend Jesse Bluem. He just really wants to see these guys burn. Have a great day!
Eric: I know, Jesse. I know...
Saturday, September 20, 2008
Article from coming Coming Soon .net and sourcing Columbia Pictures:
Stephen Chow, one of Asia's most popular box-office draws as the award-winning star and director of such films as Kung Fu Hustle, CJ7, and Shaolin Soccer, will direct Seth Rogen and star opposite him as Kato in Columbia Pictures' The Green Hornet, set for release June 25, 2010, it was announced today by Doug Belgrad and Matt Tolmach, presidents of Columbia Pictures. The screenplay is by Seth Rogen & Evan Goldberg, who will also executive produce. Neal H. Moritz is the producer through his Original Film production company.
In tapping Chow to helm The Green Hornet, Sony Pictures Entertainment continues a long association with the star and director. Under its local language initiative, Sony co-produced and released Chow's Kung Fu Hustle, which went on to gross over $100 million worldwide and received a Golden Globe® nomination as well as six Hong Kong Film Awards and five Taiwan Golden Horse Awards. Sony also released CJ7.
Commenting on the announcement, Tolmach said, "When Seth, Evan, and Neal said they wanted Stephen Chow to be part of 'The Green Hornet,' it was a fantasy. Now that it's happening, it's almost too good to be true. Stephen's been a very important part of the Sony family for many years, so it's truly serendipitous for us to be moving forward with him directing the movie and starring as Kato."
Chow added, "I'm excited to be taking on 'The Green Hornet' -- obviously, I've been a huge fan of the show since I was a kid. The idea of stepping into Bruce Lee's shoes as Kato is both humbling and thrilling, and to get the chance to direct the project as my American movie debut is simply a dream come true. I'm grateful to my friends at Sony, who have shown so much faith in me for so many years. I'm looking forward to working with Seth, Evan, Neal, and the team at Sony, and I'm eager to get started."
Moritz said, "'The Green Hornet' is a dream project and it's come together in a dream way. Seth will be fantastic in the lead role, and Stephen was the only name on the list for Kato. The material is a perfect match for his sensibilities -- Stephen in the director's chair is the best thing for the film."
Rogen said, "Stephen was always my and Evan's first choice for director and to play Kato. We just hope that he never finds out we're not the Wachowski Brothers."
Ori Marmur will serve as the Executive Producer of the film.
Chow previously told us of his interest in the project. "When I saw the program, I thought it was a great role and thought it was outstanding, because I'm Chinese and it's Bruce Lee, but I'd be happy to play that role," he said.
Later, we asked Seth Rogen about approaching Chow, who answered, "It's a very intense action movie and the relationship between Green Hornet and Kato, a lot of comedy comes from that. At first actually, we weren't even sure going in we could be more of a Jet Li type guy who maybe isn't the funniest guy in the world, but he's physically very impressive, or whether it would be more of a Stephen Chow type guy who can do martial arts, but clearly has a sense of humor. In the version that we've made it seems like a Stephen Chow type guy would be more suitable for the role. Again, until they officially greenlight it, it's hard to make any of those decisions."
This is amazing news. Probably the best news I've heard for a movie since they cast Robert Downey Jr. as Tony Stark. Stephen Chow has directed some of my favorite marital arts movies is recent years, and made them really sharp comedies as well. You may be asking yourself, "Eric, why are you cutting and pasting an article I could have just checked out myself. Surely, since I come to read your blog, I'm one of those people that must check out news such as this from clearly superior web sites." You are certainly correct on both assumptions. I'm sure you have checked it out yourself, and I'm sure they are vastly superior web sites, considering this is a blog supported on a fairly modest blog-hosting website. No, I'm not blogging about the article per se, but the people who are commenting about said article. Really, I'm only doing this because I couldn't bash them appropriately on the comment board, so I thought I'd bring them over to my home turf. The quotes are from the Coming Soon.net article comments. First off:
Posted by: Steve the Dude on September 19, 2008 at 17:14:15
It's official: This will suck !!! Neither Seth Rogen or Sterphen Chow come even close to filling the
shoes of Van Williams and BRuce Lee. This news is disgusting. This has GOT to be stopped. NOW !!
Dude's an ass clown. Spell Stephen right, asshole. Also, I don't think you could come up with a better cast for Green Hornet. Hornet was a campy tv show from the 60's, like Batman was. Not nearly as campy, but the Chinese guy (playing a Japanese guy. Ain't that perfect for the time period.) played by my hero Bruce Lee, did most of the fighting. The car's name was Black Beauty...uh huh. I'm sure what this douchebag is thinking is that Kato's gonna get a chick preggers after a night at the bar and get his chest hair pulled off as he screams obscenities and the whole things gonna be some adolescent quest for booze. Give the guys some fucking credit, dick. They clearly know what they're dealing with, so I'm pretty sure they'll get it right. They got Stephen Chow, for Christ's sake! You couldn't find a guy more dedicated and respectful to the legacy of Bruce Lee than that guy. One of his character in Shaolin soccer was wearing the Game of Death track suit, after all, and looked exactly like Bruce Lee at certain angles. The mannerisms, the whole shabang, too. They should probably get that guy, but Stephen Chow has appeal and stardom. The movie will probably do wicked amazing in China. So no, they're not shitting on the Green Hornet. They're probably doing the best thing they could ever put together for something like this. So shut the fuck up, you cum-guzzling fucktard. Plus, who's that angry at 5:17 in the morning? Sheesh.
Posted by: Anakin on September 19, 2008 at 19:20:17
I'm with Steve the Dude on this. This has failure all written over it until they can find an unknown martial arts actor that can properly fill in Bruce Lee's part.
This guy's a douchebag for all the reasons described above, but I can at least give the guy a little credit for suggesting an unknown for Kato...except for the fact that they got Stephen Chow for it. Go suck Steve's little dude, Anakin.
Obviously, there's too many other factors that go into this being a great movie, and casting isn't the only thing that makes it. Maybe the script will be a stoner buddy comedy like Pineapple Express. Maybe these pricks are right, and Rogen, Even, and Chow are going to basically take a huge dump on what Bruce Lee fans such as myself cherish. I wish Kevin Smith was working on it like was initially planned, but if you can't get Smith, you get Rogen. They're almost the same guy, except I'm sure Kevin Smith's older and more of a geek. The funny thing is, though, that Rogen's in Zach and Miri Make a Porno, directed by Smith. Aw well...I have no doubt that Green Hornet will be good. It's an incredibly out-of-left-field thing to do, I think, what with Marvel and DC heroes being the big thing nowadays. I have my fingers crossed, though.
Sorry I didn't write an article earlier like I said I would, but shit happens and I wasn't feelin' too great that day...or the next, so my apologies to anyone reading this thing. Anyways, see ya later folks.
Stephen Chow, one of Asia's most popular box-office draws as the award-winning star and director of such films as Kung Fu Hustle, CJ7, and Shaolin Soccer, will direct Seth Rogen and star opposite him as Kato in Columbia Pictures' The Green Hornet, set for release June 25, 2010, it was announced today by Doug Belgrad and Matt Tolmach, presidents of Columbia Pictures. The screenplay is by Seth Rogen & Evan Goldberg, who will also executive produce. Neal H. Moritz is the producer through his Original Film production company.
In tapping Chow to helm The Green Hornet, Sony Pictures Entertainment continues a long association with the star and director. Under its local language initiative, Sony co-produced and released Chow's Kung Fu Hustle, which went on to gross over $100 million worldwide and received a Golden Globe® nomination as well as six Hong Kong Film Awards and five Taiwan Golden Horse Awards. Sony also released CJ7.
Commenting on the announcement, Tolmach said, "When Seth, Evan, and Neal said they wanted Stephen Chow to be part of 'The Green Hornet,' it was a fantasy. Now that it's happening, it's almost too good to be true. Stephen's been a very important part of the Sony family for many years, so it's truly serendipitous for us to be moving forward with him directing the movie and starring as Kato."
Chow added, "I'm excited to be taking on 'The Green Hornet' -- obviously, I've been a huge fan of the show since I was a kid. The idea of stepping into Bruce Lee's shoes as Kato is both humbling and thrilling, and to get the chance to direct the project as my American movie debut is simply a dream come true. I'm grateful to my friends at Sony, who have shown so much faith in me for so many years. I'm looking forward to working with Seth, Evan, Neal, and the team at Sony, and I'm eager to get started."
Moritz said, "'The Green Hornet' is a dream project and it's come together in a dream way. Seth will be fantastic in the lead role, and Stephen was the only name on the list for Kato. The material is a perfect match for his sensibilities -- Stephen in the director's chair is the best thing for the film."
Rogen said, "Stephen was always my and Evan's first choice for director and to play Kato. We just hope that he never finds out we're not the Wachowski Brothers."
Ori Marmur will serve as the Executive Producer of the film.
Chow previously told us of his interest in the project. "When I saw the program, I thought it was a great role and thought it was outstanding, because I'm Chinese and it's Bruce Lee, but I'd be happy to play that role," he said.
Later, we asked Seth Rogen about approaching Chow, who answered, "It's a very intense action movie and the relationship between Green Hornet and Kato, a lot of comedy comes from that. At first actually, we weren't even sure going in we could be more of a Jet Li type guy who maybe isn't the funniest guy in the world, but he's physically very impressive, or whether it would be more of a Stephen Chow type guy who can do martial arts, but clearly has a sense of humor. In the version that we've made it seems like a Stephen Chow type guy would be more suitable for the role. Again, until they officially greenlight it, it's hard to make any of those decisions."
This is amazing news. Probably the best news I've heard for a movie since they cast Robert Downey Jr. as Tony Stark. Stephen Chow has directed some of my favorite marital arts movies is recent years, and made them really sharp comedies as well. You may be asking yourself, "Eric, why are you cutting and pasting an article I could have just checked out myself. Surely, since I come to read your blog, I'm one of those people that must check out news such as this from clearly superior web sites." You are certainly correct on both assumptions. I'm sure you have checked it out yourself, and I'm sure they are vastly superior web sites, considering this is a blog supported on a fairly modest blog-hosting website. No, I'm not blogging about the article per se, but the people who are commenting about said article. Really, I'm only doing this because I couldn't bash them appropriately on the comment board, so I thought I'd bring them over to my home turf. The quotes are from the Coming Soon.net article comments. First off:
Posted by: Steve the Dude on September 19, 2008 at 17:14:15
It's official: This will suck !!! Neither Seth Rogen or Sterphen Chow come even close to filling the
shoes of Van Williams and BRuce Lee. This news is disgusting. This has GOT to be stopped. NOW !!
Dude's an ass clown. Spell Stephen right, asshole. Also, I don't think you could come up with a better cast for Green Hornet. Hornet was a campy tv show from the 60's, like Batman was. Not nearly as campy, but the Chinese guy (playing a Japanese guy. Ain't that perfect for the time period.) played by my hero Bruce Lee, did most of the fighting. The car's name was Black Beauty...uh huh. I'm sure what this douchebag is thinking is that Kato's gonna get a chick preggers after a night at the bar and get his chest hair pulled off as he screams obscenities and the whole things gonna be some adolescent quest for booze. Give the guys some fucking credit, dick. They clearly know what they're dealing with, so I'm pretty sure they'll get it right. They got Stephen Chow, for Christ's sake! You couldn't find a guy more dedicated and respectful to the legacy of Bruce Lee than that guy. One of his character in Shaolin soccer was wearing the Game of Death track suit, after all, and looked exactly like Bruce Lee at certain angles. The mannerisms, the whole shabang, too. They should probably get that guy, but Stephen Chow has appeal and stardom. The movie will probably do wicked amazing in China. So no, they're not shitting on the Green Hornet. They're probably doing the best thing they could ever put together for something like this. So shut the fuck up, you cum-guzzling fucktard. Plus, who's that angry at 5:17 in the morning? Sheesh.
Posted by: Anakin on September 19, 2008 at 19:20:17
I'm with Steve the Dude on this. This has failure all written over it until they can find an unknown martial arts actor that can properly fill in Bruce Lee's part.
This guy's a douchebag for all the reasons described above, but I can at least give the guy a little credit for suggesting an unknown for Kato...except for the fact that they got Stephen Chow for it. Go suck Steve's little dude, Anakin.
Obviously, there's too many other factors that go into this being a great movie, and casting isn't the only thing that makes it. Maybe the script will be a stoner buddy comedy like Pineapple Express. Maybe these pricks are right, and Rogen, Even, and Chow are going to basically take a huge dump on what Bruce Lee fans such as myself cherish. I wish Kevin Smith was working on it like was initially planned, but if you can't get Smith, you get Rogen. They're almost the same guy, except I'm sure Kevin Smith's older and more of a geek. The funny thing is, though, that Rogen's in Zach and Miri Make a Porno, directed by Smith. Aw well...I have no doubt that Green Hornet will be good. It's an incredibly out-of-left-field thing to do, I think, what with Marvel and DC heroes being the big thing nowadays. I have my fingers crossed, though.
Sorry I didn't write an article earlier like I said I would, but shit happens and I wasn't feelin' too great that day...or the next, so my apologies to anyone reading this thing. Anyways, see ya later folks.
Sunday, September 14, 2008
Image fromhardcoreware.net Feb 2008 Blog Archive
I hate how they draw Ryu so huge nowadays. Street Fighter Alpha was cool because Ryu doesn't look like he's a cheap 12" GI Joe doll where the clothes puff up all over the place. Having said that, I really hope I get a chance to play Street Fighter 4, cuz I REALLY fucking want to...sooooooo bad.
You know what? That's kind of all I want to say for today. Life's okay so far. I have to come up with some money real quick here in a couple days, but I'm sure anyone who's actually reading my blog could care less about my financial problems as of late. I promise I'll write a more lengthy update tomorrow.
Later, folks.
You know what? That's kind of all I want to say for today. Life's okay so far. I have to come up with some money real quick here in a couple days, but I'm sure anyone who's actually reading my blog could care less about my financial problems as of late. I promise I'll write a more lengthy update tomorrow.
Later, folks.
Saturday, September 13, 2008
Talking to myself in the mirror again...
No, I'm not going to get a Pulitzer for anything I type here. In fact, I sincerely hope nobody wins the Pulitzer for anything they write in their blog. It's possible, but how fucking weird would this world be where someone's won the Pulitzer, or Nobel Peace Price, etc, for something they've scribed as a Facebook note or MySpace blog? A fucking retarded one, that's what kind. Even more retarded than it is now.
"We present the Pulitzer to Michelle McCloud's insightful piece on America's decline as the premier nation in the world, her views on where we go when we are laid to our final resting place, and how shitty it is that her man Bobby totally was checking out that skank Shelly."
Just saying...I hope it never happens, personally.
Back to me. The title of the entry is true. I tend to talk to myself in mirrors when I feel like saying something to someone but want to try it out on my reflection. As far as I know, it's not some grave sign of an impending psychosis. Personal problems. I've got a shit-load, and there's no end in sight. Basically, I feel pretty damn helpless and I've never wanted to get into a huge, reckless brawl more. I doubt there's any scientific evidence suggesting that rearranging the face of a local punk relieves the feeling that you're unwanted, a failure, and the lowest piece of shit on Earth, but I'll put money on it that it helps.
I'll explain more maybe when I actually get readers.
That's it for today. Have a great day folks, if there are any folks out there...
"We present the Pulitzer to Michelle McCloud's insightful piece on America's decline as the premier nation in the world, her views on where we go when we are laid to our final resting place, and how shitty it is that her man Bobby totally was checking out that skank Shelly."
Just saying...I hope it never happens, personally.
Back to me. The title of the entry is true. I tend to talk to myself in mirrors when I feel like saying something to someone but want to try it out on my reflection. As far as I know, it's not some grave sign of an impending psychosis. Personal problems. I've got a shit-load, and there's no end in sight. Basically, I feel pretty damn helpless and I've never wanted to get into a huge, reckless brawl more. I doubt there's any scientific evidence suggesting that rearranging the face of a local punk relieves the feeling that you're unwanted, a failure, and the lowest piece of shit on Earth, but I'll put money on it that it helps.
I'll explain more maybe when I actually get readers.
That's it for today. Have a great day folks, if there are any folks out there...
Thursday, September 11, 2008
Fucking Life
The littlest things set me off these days. Usually it's stubbing my toe on something, thinking about a certain person, or really just no reason at all sometimes. There's an explanation as to why my patience and tranquility go out the window at the drop of a hat nowadays. This summer has been shit to me. I've had my proverbial ass kicked the past 4 months that I'm surprised I'm not some neurotic mess with a twitch and a penchant for hitting people. This isn't the type of blog where I wanted to go into life lessons and throw everything that's been bothering me on the table. That's what MySpace is for, right? No. I wanted to talk about video games, comic books, religion, politics, porn, sex, drugs, kids shows, all that and everything in between, but certainly not what's been going on in my neck of the woods, or in my head. However, I guess that's why guys like me set up a blog. They can't think of anything else to do with there life but maybe typing up little updates on Blogspot will be the therapy my life needs. Smoking a cigarette and sipping a rum and coke writing about what ails his existence this week. I'm kidding. I don't smoke and only drink socially.
I'm pretty sure somewhere out there somebody's saying that only someone with an inherent sense of what to say should be saying anything, which I guess would make that person a regular Captain Obvious, but my point is that I think that even mundane people such as myself with nothing all that interesting to say, but rather seem to stick to the background whilst all this bullshit goes on around them, actually do have something to say. They just tend to not want to get involved. I'm like that, the majority of my friends are like that. Thing is...I think, think being the key word here, that I have somewhat of a gift, that being a decent writer. I'm not bragging. I'm positive people haven't liked my writing. I worked a single semester at my college newspaper and they didn't want me back after that. That actually sucked for them because the guys who took over after me wrote some God-awful bullshit. Would you rather read about a zombie attack at a retirement home or the difficulty some prick had getting up in the morning? Zombies? I thought so. I was pretty edgy.
I think that'll do it for today, but if you have any questions or concerns, don't hesitate to ask someone else. Just kidding. Drop a line at piccolojr8@gmail.com
Sweet.
I'm pretty sure somewhere out there somebody's saying that only someone with an inherent sense of what to say should be saying anything, which I guess would make that person a regular Captain Obvious, but my point is that I think that even mundane people such as myself with nothing all that interesting to say, but rather seem to stick to the background whilst all this bullshit goes on around them, actually do have something to say. They just tend to not want to get involved. I'm like that, the majority of my friends are like that. Thing is...I think, think being the key word here, that I have somewhat of a gift, that being a decent writer. I'm not bragging. I'm positive people haven't liked my writing. I worked a single semester at my college newspaper and they didn't want me back after that. That actually sucked for them because the guys who took over after me wrote some God-awful bullshit. Would you rather read about a zombie attack at a retirement home or the difficulty some prick had getting up in the morning? Zombies? I thought so. I was pretty edgy.
I think that'll do it for today, but if you have any questions or concerns, don't hesitate to ask someone else. Just kidding. Drop a line at piccolojr8@gmail.com
Sweet.
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